Ferocity Mill

When I was about 12, I stopped trying to straighten my hair. Shortly thereafter, I discovered that the strands boinged when I twisted my finger around them, and thus a new habit was born.

I confess to you now – that is why I have been sitting at my computer for roughly fifty-eight minutes and have just now started typing. My hair is short. My finger wanders upward. Boing. Repeat. It’s really one of the most pleasurable involuntary activities of all time. The only problem (other than it making me look somewhat autistic to any onlookers) is that it renders one hand entirely useless. What do you do at a computer when one hand is entirely useless?

Um, actually, I don’t really want to know what you do. That’s between you, your empty room and whoever walks in on you. But what I do is – well, anything but type.

And that’s just one of the many excuses I have for not being a successful, well-paid writer. Others include:

• The economy is too unstable to support any new books at this time.
• I don’t know where to start.
• My life is too busy – I can’t focus until I settle down.
• It’s raining.
• It’s sunny.
• Look, chickens!*

*Seriously, there are chickens living behind my house. Every five minutes they’re all, BRAWWWKbawkbraaaak and I’m all, “Mmmm, KFC.”

My point is that in the very near future, my unemployment benefits are going to run out. Since I’m not really interested in living on my savings, I am going to have to find a way to make money. And because I am entirely displeased with the idea of working at a “regular job,” I am going to have to stay focused, be creative and stop boinging my damn hair.

This is currently freaking me right the hell out. Can you tell?

:::

In other news, I am still not divorced, because the prospect of paying hundreds of dollars to have a regular human person put his or her signature on a piece of paper is not altogether appealing to me. What’s even less appealing is that I know I’m going to be the one who does it, because Eventual Ex-Husband is not going to. He hasn’t said this in so many words, but given his record of Doing Useful Things For Me (there are maybe two things on that list, and one doesn’t count because I actually paid for it), I am not optimistic.

(The irony of this is that the last news I heard from him was that he is living on an ecovillage in Texas. I don’t have the inclination or the time to go into why this makes absolutely no sense to me, but it could have something to do with the fact that he is one of the most selfish individuals I’ve ever known. For a start.)

I suppose I could wait it out and hope that eventually he’ll take some initiative and do it, but that wouldn’t be very effective. And the thing is, well, I just don’t want to be married to him anymore. I have officially MovedOn.org from that time in my life. Why should I have to pay the government cash money to recognize that?

A marriage license in the state of Georgia costs ten dollars. A divorce costs at least 150. He owes me thousands.

Luckily, not thinking about it is free. I think I’ll do that for a bit.

That is what we call "peer pressure."

You know what else was free? That bottle of tequila. Cheers!