Decisions, decisions, decisions
My parents called me a few weeks ago about the letter.
“It’s from the Department of the Army,” my dad said. “Should I open it?”
My first thought was to tell him to drop it and RUN, run like you’ve never run before and don’t stop because THEY WILL FIND YOU! But I didn’t do that, because my anger management classes taught me not to react to my first thought all the time. Instead, hoping that it would self-destruct shortly thereafter, I told him to go ahead and read the thing, .
When a new enlistee joins the U.S. Army, he signs a contract promising Uncle Sam eight years of his life. He can serve those years on active duty, in the reserve component, on inactive duty, or all of the above. Unless he serves all eight of those years on active duty, though, the remaining years must be spent in the National Guard, the Reserves, or the Inactive Ready Reserves (IRR). The National Guard and Reserves require him to report for duty one weekend per month. The IRR requires him to Stand By.
Before we were at war, the IRR was something of a technicality – few people were getting recalled because there was no urgent need for them. But nowadays, as we all know, the military is stretched so thin that you’d probably get called back even if you were a transgender paraplegic. On a regular basis, newly-minted civilians are getting pulled out of the IRR, stuffed back into uniforms, and shipped out in C-130s faster than you can say “PTSD.” As far as I know, this is done on a completely random basis. I, of course, hoped I’d be finished with my time before the IRR caught up with me. I’ve always been an optimist.
As my father opened the letter, my stomach dropped. This is it, I thought. The deployment orders have arrived.
“Upon receipt of this order immediately contact the local Army Reserve -” (AAAAARGH) “- for a Personnel Accountability Muster -” (damn damn damn FUCK damn) “- this is not a mobilization muster. You will not be mobilized at this muster.”
I heaved an audible sigh of relief. My jaw unclenched. Consciousness was narrowly retained. This wasn’t, as they say, the Big One. It was safe to investigate further in person.
The letter told me I had to meet with Staff Sergeant H., my local career counselor (whose office is right next to homeroom! Seriously, couldn’t they come up with a better title than “Career Counselor”? For adults? In the Army? I mean, come on) any day between April 1st and 30th. Since I had already scheduled a visit back East to visit my family this week, I decided to just bite the bullet and make an appointment. It went well … ish.
Staff Sergeant H. told me that out of all the IRR soldiers who receive the same letter I did, sixty percent get a follow-up letter a month or two later saying, in essence, “Hello! You’re going back to war! Or jail! Your choice. Love, The Army.”
The loophole, I was told, is joining the Reserves. It’s one weekend a month until my IRR time is up in December, and it guarantees that I won’t get roped into another deployment – of course, it also means that I have to take out my eyebrow piercing, turn off my brain, and put on a uniform again.
The obvious choice is for me to go Reserves and stay out of Afghanistan. But, ugh. Isn’t that like Buttercup deserting Westley in the Fire Swamp? I’d feel slightly like I’d compromised myself.
Fuck it. Sometimes, compromises need to be made.
:::
By the way, it’s been more than a month since I quit smoking. I’ve gained five-ish pounds, but my lungs are happier. Someone pass me a brownie.
:::
Today’s Moment of Zen
My brother came to visit me, so I brought him to Lake Tahoe, where we played in the sand.
That sucks. All I can see is the last time you were supposed to get out and then got shipped back to Iraq again instead! I hope they’re not bending you over for another fucking.
vicki
April 5, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Shit!
Kim
April 5, 2009 at 10:24 pm
crap. I adore you, and all will be well. shalom.
susan
April 5, 2009 at 11:30 pm
My BIL was in the Navy Reserves, and he just got called up again and is now in Saudi for probably 8-12 months. About the only good thing about it is that he looks SOOOOO fucking good in his uniform, and even better in a suit (he’s a Master at Arms).
Kelley
April 6, 2009 at 3:07 am
OK. I am going to reveal your secret. Everyone grab hold of your seats: EMILY IS ACTUALLY A VERY NICE PERSON. I found that out just recently as she has been sending happy thoughts my way. And about the military thing? To quote the above commentors, suck, shit and crap.
Linda
April 6, 2009 at 8:04 am
First time caller.
No, really. A total stranger. But I’m in a similar situation. I was googling the percentages of irr musters to irr mobilizations, and your page is the ONLY result.
Which is actually the worry-making part. E6 what’s-his-face could be telling the truth. Then again, he could be a lying-assed recruiter. For my part, I’m going to my muster appointment today assuming the latter.
Signing up for MORE TIME, in order to avoid deploying, sounds a bit too good to be true, assuming the awful car-salesmanship the Army exhibited my first time around.
Anywho. Good luck, ma’am.
Justin
April 6, 2009 at 11:15 am
[...] have some small amount of data about what to expect (and should you, O Unattributed Link-Victim, find said link distasteful, send a tell and I shall [...]
The ‘Stan « coyote blue
April 6, 2009 at 12:12 pm
The letter is bull. My husband gets one every year. It’s a fishing expedition for them to try to get you to sign back up for something, THEN they ship you out. Your chances of not getting recalled are pretty good – don’t fall for their garbage.
Rebecca
April 6, 2009 at 5:32 pm
I will not argue with Rebecca’s statement. However, I recently returned from MY meeting and will now report the results.
First: Transfer from IRR to Reserve duty is possible WITHOUT extending your contract. The reason I know this is possible is because I looked at the forms. If you remember the 4187, that is the exact form you’d be signing. The most important part is, this is NOT a re-enlistment contract. Your MSO (the 8-year deadline) is ALREADY in your initial enlistment contract; the 4187 to a Reserve unit is simply a “sticky note” telling people you’d rather be counted on a specific roll, rather than the “catch me if you can” list.
Second: Stabilization, if you qualify for it, is very real. This is a really real promise, but it is the promise Rebecca quite rightfully doubts. Bob Gates or Mr. O can wave their hand and make it go away. Problem is: they can ALREADY DO THAT. It’s called the IRR.
Third: This is only a sweet deal if you can keep your MOS and drill in a unit near your house. I’m lucky because I work within distance of a Reserve Unit almost exclusively of my MOS. And HEREIN, to paraphrase the Bard, lies the rub.
If your MOS is not available in your local Reserve Unit; if your Reserve Unit is not actually local; if you absolutely don’t want to pass a PT test and show one weekend a month in a pickle suit; or if your Career Counselor wants to lie to you, or push the hard sell on some re-up option or another, it just Might Not Be Worth It.
One last thing. The question I asked: if you’re offering Stabilization with NO ADDED TIME, what’s in it for the Army?
The answer is actually what made me believe they were serious: it’s easier. IRR is full of people who won’t answer their phone. If you do answer, you get paid 180 bucks to show up for a half day, even if you weigh 300 pounds/bring a gay spouse/have a swastika tat on your face. In the Reserves, even non-deployable, you show up on time in uniform and pass PT tests…and most importantly, they can ask you once a month to prettttyyyy puh-leeezze re-up. So like Rebecca says…yep, they’re fishing. But this deal is agreeing to swim closer to the hook, not necessarily to nibble on it.
So I think the offer is serious…it just may not apply to you. Send an email if you’d like some help hashing out your particulars.
howlingmadcoyote
April 6, 2009 at 6:05 pm
In my opinion, it’s always good policy to ignore anything the Army doesn’t bother to send through FedEx, Western Union, or registered mail. If they really wanted you, they would send something that way. Regular mail, and anything without an actual signature = fishing expedition.
Rebecca
April 6, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Justin and Rebecca – thanks much! I drew similar conclusions when I met with the retention NCO. The offer of just doing a simple 4187 to transfer to the Reserves was complete with short-commute duty station and a unit which had a slot open for my MOS. The stabilization order looked official (complete with signature). The part that threw me was when he said I’d have 90 days to report, and that I could withdraw and go back to IRR at any time. I didn’t see that part in writing anywhere, so of course I doubted it, which then made me doubt the validity of everything else I’d heard. I’m still on the fence, but I’m leaning toward never wearing digital camouflage again in my life, thankyouverymuch.
ferocitymill
April 6, 2009 at 8:39 pm
But Afghanistan is so nice at this time of year. And they have TIM HORTON’S COFFEE IN KANDAHAR. That’s like, huge man.
Gwen Stylez
April 7, 2009 at 8:21 am
All this official governmental verbiage is really confusing. You can come hide at the Crazy Hilton with me and Guardcat. They’ll never find you amid all the crazies and artists I hang out with.
awittykitty
April 7, 2009 at 8:39 pm
To the IRR return thing, I say: shameless lies. The same thing that would make you impervious to deployment – having someone again be officially “the boss of you” – could conceivably ruin you. A d-bag leadership chain can decide to hamper your feeble pleas to return to the IRR, whether you have the “right” to do so or not. If that’s the selling point for you, Just Don’t Do It.
And wittykitty, you might be surprised how many artists and crazies are actually in the military. I think of the Army as a Wal-Mart at 3 am: not everyone there is “from the culture”. Some of us are just cheap, or desperate. or have the munchies, or up at 3 am and plagued with curiosity.
Justin
April 8, 2009 at 7:20 pm
My cousin got a call on Saturday, he was to report Tuesday to Wisconsin (we’re in Michigan) for retraining for a month and then he’s being deployed to Afghanistan. He’s been out since 2002 – not sure if he was Reserves or IRR. I do know that he was supposed to go to some Central American country in a couple of months for his unit’s yearly training (or whatever). His unit isn’t being called up though, he’s being assigned to a new unit. We’re thrilled.
Kathleen
April 15, 2009 at 5:04 am
Oh yeah, and his deployment is for a year. I loved my Republican family bitching about the same war they were for when it was Bush’s war. Now that it’s Obama’s, they’re against it. Friggin’ hypocrites.
Kathleen
April 15, 2009 at 5:10 am