Ferocity Mill

I’ve decided that if the Army wants me, it’s going to have to come and get me itself – if it thinks I’m going to voluntarily place myself within grasping distance of its camouflage-patterned talons, it is sadly mistaken.

After carefully considering all of my options (at least, more carefully than usual), it came down to the simple fact that I do not ever want to be a soldier again. I will never regret the time I spent in uniform (roughly eight skajillion hours, by last count), but I also will never put the thing back on again unless a) it is a matter of life or death or b) my boyfriend asks me to put it on for reasons I won’t go into on a public blog.

The thought of having my first name be “Specialist” again makes my stomach turn. The idea of answering to someone who can’t write in complete sentences gives me a twitch. The possibility that I’d have to take out my Celebratory Eyebrow Piercing (obtained the day I was discharged, solely because there was no longer a regulation prohibiting it) hurts my heart. And then, of course, there is that whole Going Back To War thing, which really doesn’t appeal to me at all, for some reason.

Plus, I heard they do drug tests, and I’m not into testing drugs. Tsk, tsk, tsk, The Army.

:::

Having figured out what I’m not going to do (go back to the military, ever) and what I’m going to do in the near future (get that college education I’ve been hearing such good things about), I’m now making the most of the time I have to travel between points A and B.

Since I spent my first seven months as a civilian traipsing around the country throwing money directly into my gas tank and the next three months trying to create a home base in a region whose reputation for overpriced rent is only exceeded by its reputation for having a ridiculously high crime rate, my funds are dwindling. My unemployment benefits won’t last forever (because apparently when I left Iraq, I forgot how to save money), and the G.I. Bill doesn’t kick in until at least August. With my savings account audibly whimpering from the blows I’ve been dealing it over the last ten months, it’s now time for me to figure out a way to earn money without giving up my soul, my freedom or my underclothes.

A few ideas I’ve had are (along with excuses side notes):

- Write a bestselling book about something
Definitely a possibility for the future (am dreaming big), but probably won’t help my current situation as is not yet written and/or published

- Get paid to take pictures
Generally professional photographers are better at taking pictures than I am, is the thing

- Be a stripper
See aforementioned caveat regarding Underclothes, Not Forfeiting

- Be a personal trainer
Hate working out. Hate, hate, hate. Also: am not in shape

- Get detestable part-time job
Key word being “detestable”

I suppose I could always go hang out in the Safeway parking lot and offer to fix people’s cars for cash, in the style of the charming Mexicans who banged the dent out of my hood this afternoon, but that would require mechanical proficiency.

What do you guys think? Do I have any marketable skills that haven’t been made obsolete or forced into hiding due to our thriving American economy? I am WIDE OPEN to suggestions.

:::

In the meantime, I’m getting myself back in acceptable physical shape using a method that differs as much as possible from my military training: yoga. I’ve been taking classes for a few weeks now, and have almost retrained my body to bend. I even signed up for a thirty-day program at a studio in Berkeley that deals exclusively in Bikram (read: Stinky Sweaty Hurty) yoga, despite the fact that I nearly passed out during my first session.

Hey, it’s better than this.

:::

Today’s Moment of Zen

Easter Sunday in San Francisco (not pictured: her friend, videotaping her)

:::

P.S. My mailing list dealie is once again seeming to suck hole. If you want to get notified of my updates, it’s probably best to just subscribe. If you are indeed getting my update e-mails, please let me know, because Gmail is acting kind of snitty.

*my new theme song